Anybody know where I can find some willpower?

I'm not sure exactly what my deal is, but it sucks. I would love to have the willpower to go into Target (or Ralphs, or Vons, or Whole Foods, or wherever) and not buy either the naughty foods, or way too large quantities of any foods. I am just horrible at that, and my pathetic efforts at losing weight reflect this. I hit 292 lbs this morning. That is without a doubt the heaviest I have ever weighed. Period. And I'd like to say that it won't go any higher, but I cannot make that guarantee...at least for this weekend. Two bad (well, good but bad food-wise) things are happening. My birthday and Easter. My birthday is bad because my dad is taking DAPGF and I out for Italian on Saturday, to one of our favorite places, Arrivederci in Hillcrest. Then Sunday morning, the three of us are going out for a champagne buffet brunch at the Prado at Balboa Park. Then, DAPGF is taking me out for steak for dinner, probably because with my advancing age it will be easier to kill me off and take my life insurance (death by prime rib?). I have no idea how in the hell I'm not going to bloat up like a dead whale after all of this. I will be hitting the gym and walking the dog at every opportunity, and I promise (cross my cholesterol-laden heart and hope to die) to try and exert some portion control. We shall see.

But back to this week. Granted, I had some help in my naughty behavior. Monday, one of my neighbors invited me to join him and a group of UNC fans at one of our local sports bars to watch the NCAA hoops finals. That involved several (some might say many) drinks and lots of bar food (wings, fries, sliders, etc.). Then when I went to the store to buy some groceries, I picked up a jar of dry-roasted peanuts. Generally, I dislike nuts. They ruin the chocolate (brownies, fudge, etc.), but plain peanuts are a nasty habit of mine. So I bought the nuts to keep at my desk (big mistake number 2!), figuring that I could munch on a handful in the middle of the afternoon, yadda yadda yadda. Yeah, not quite. I also picked up some non-Lean Cuisine type meals that were very noodle-laden and therefore not nearly as caloricly benign as the stuff I already had in the fridge. And then on Thursday DAPGF and I went out with some friends for dinner and drinks. So more drinks, appetizers (spinich dip, buffalo wings, chicken tenders, and so on), and did I mention the drinks? Not a good week, particularly after the initial progress made over last weekend.

So where does that leave me? In a word...fat. Am I happy? No. No I am not. I really have to get past this willpower thing. Let's see what happens when I make a genuine effort to not snack and to not buy extra crap at the store. I bet if I stick to my exercise regime and stick to the 1800-1900 calorie diet I laid out earlier, I can get back to losing weight. I need to. This is starting to get embarrassing.

My diet during the week will consist of (on days DAPGF teaches):

Breakfast - Bagel or breakfast omlete (Jimmy Dean) or something else similar: 250 calories
Snack - Wheat Thins or comparable: 200 calories
Lunch - Lean Cuisine/Smart Ones/Healthy Choice entree, soup, hershey's kisses: 650 calories
Snack - 100 calorie snack pack of something: 100 calories
Dinner - Lean Cuisine-type, some chips, Weight Watchers Giant Chocolate Cookies and Cream ice cream bar: 700 calories

Total: 1900 calories.

Combined with hitting the gym for an hour-ish on the weekends and on days DAPGF teaches, going to the driving range once a week, and walking the dog twice a day for approximately 60 to 90 minutes each day, I should be able to get back on track. Granted, by the beginning of July, I was hoping to be in the 230-ish range. If I can get back to my 3+ lbs per week loss, at best I'll in the 250s. Which, admittedly is better than I am now, but not anywhere near what I wanted to be. If I want to get into the 230s by the 4th of July weekend, I'll have to lose 5 lbs per week. Somehow I don't see that happening. But for now, I'm going back to a 3.3 lbs per week goal. I'm going back to the short-term goals, because it is way too easy to lose track of the goal when it is so far out there.

Happy Easter everyone!