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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cancer sucks

Some of you may be aware that my mother has been battling cancer.  I may have mentioned it in a post or two, but I've also mentioned it in comments to others' posts when they've lost a family member, including Pauly, Falstaff , and Wil Wheaton's friend, Annie. 

 

Anyway, my mother underwent a radical, experimental surgical procedure (hyperthermic chemo perfusion) back in April 2004, where after the cancer is surgically removed, heated liquid chemo is basically poured into the body cavity and all internal surfaces are "washed" to directly kill any remaining cancer.   When she was diagnosed in January 2004, they told her she had 6 months without that surgery.  With the surgery, they gave her a 50% chance to last another 2 to 3 years.   So she had the surgery.  Just over a month in the hospital to recover, 2 rounds of follow up chemotherapy, and not quite a full year to get her strength back.   After that, she went back to work…as a hospice nurse!  My mother, who spent the last several years of her career working with the terminally ill, decided that since she'd beaten cancer back that she'd go back to working with the terminally ill.   She was that kind of a strong and caring person.  So after a year of working, she and my father retired.  Her regular tests were showing some recurrence of the cancer, so they decided to take the time to enjoy life for themselves.  They did some traveling, they saw relatives, they had fun.   During this time, the cancer was reestablishing itself.  According to the doctors who would read her MRI scans, the cancer was "slow-growing" but it apparently WAS growing.   Finally, her last scan showed that it was spreading from her abdomen up to her chest, including starting to compress the main aorta coming out of her heart.   So a second round of surgery, similar to the first one was scheduled for Thursday, April 19. 

 

It was going to be a 10 hour or so procedure, and I took the day off and my sister flew in from Memphis.  Everything kicked off around 7 a.m.  She had been tired, in pain, but seemed in good spirits, so we weren't too worried.   I mean, she came thru the first surgery just fine…why should this be any different?  So my dad gets a call at 3:30 in the afternoon.   The surgeon said that there had been some complications, that when they were removing the cancer from around her liver, some of the cancer had gotten into the main artery that fed blood to the liver and that the artery had torn.   They worked into the night to stabilize her, and finally at 8 p.m. the doctor came down and told us that they had the bleeding under control, she was on a respirator, and that they'd go back in first thing in the morning on Friday to try and repair the damage and finish removal of the cancer.   So we all show up at 7 a.m. again, and the oncology surgeon and the vascular specialist he'd called in Thursday afternoon met us and told us how extensive things were, and told us that her chances were slim, but it was possible that they could repair the damage.   We unanimously said to go for it, and the doctors headed up to the SICU.  Around 9:30 a.m. we got the call.  They couldn't control the bleeding, and she'd gone into cardiac arrest.  They did open heart massage for about 10 minutes, but couldn't revive her.   My mother died at 9:20 a.m. on April 20, 2007.

 

We had 3 years that we hadn't expected to have, she's in a much better place, and no longer in pain.  Don't tell me that the cancer won.   She fucking beat cancer!  It can't get her anymore!  We all miss her terribly, but to know that she's in heaven and no longer in pain is worth the pain that we all feel.   I wanted to include a picture, but all my digital pics are on my computer's hard drive and it is still a non-functional pile of electronic crap.  Sorry for the downer nature of this post, but I had to get this off my chest.  Tell your parents that you love them.  Tell your loved ones that you love them.   And watch out for cancer.  It fucking sucks.

34 comments:

Unknown said...

i'm so sorry. even when you know she is in a better place, it still sucks. write about it. feel about it. we'll be here to read.

you and your family are in my thoughts.

Jonathan said...

my thoughts are with you and your family.

Evans Family said...

I am so sorry. I know its hard to share painful thoughts online. I hope it helps with the healing. My thoughts are with you.

iamhoff said...

Thank you one and all for your warm thoughts and condolences. It isn't easy, but we're hanging in there. Knowing she isn't in pain anymore is the positive in all this, that and the fact that because the procedure she had done 3 years ago was an experimental one, the oncologists have learned so much during her treatment. I know that she couldn't be more grateful to know that what has been learned may help save future lives and ultimately find a cure. She'd want nothing more. Thank you all again.

-Hoff

alicein1derland said...

Hoff - I lost my father to cancer and you're right, it sucks. It doesn't matter how old you are - when you lose a parent, it reduces you to feeling like a child - vulnerable and alone. I will pray for you and your family. I hope you will be comforted by the good memories - before cancer. Take care.

golfwidow said...

I am so very, very sorry.

Unknown said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts during this time.

BrainMc said...

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. She sounds like a great woman and I'm glad she took time off to spend with your family in her final years.

shrinking indigo said...

Hi. Annie sent me over.

I just wanted to tell you how much I agree with your "Don't tell me that the cancer won. She fucking beat cancer! It can't get her anymore!" sentiment.

My mother died February 7th of this year, after a three-year fight with cancer.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

(I recommend www.momscancer.com - it's a wonderfully written account of one family's fight with cancer, from the point of view of the son.)

jjok said...

Prayers for you and yours...

AlCantHang said...

We mourn with you.

TenMile said...

Prayers.

Daddy said...

Sorry, bro.
Best wishes to you and yours.

Pauly said...

My condolences.

April said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Unknown said...

Hope your family pulls together soon.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I work in the oncology field developing new medicines. We do consider a 3 year extension to be successful for certain cases and I'm glad that you can see it that way. It doesn't always seem like 'success' when you eventually lose someone. The information that your mom's case provided will help someone in the future, I'm sure of that.

Biggestron

Joe Speaker said...

Sorry to hear this, Hoff. You and your family are in my prayers. Anything you need, man. Just shout.

I know she'd love your attitude. She won. So did you.

SirFWALGMan said...

Sorry Hoff I hope that the pain eases in time. It sounds as if your family had a wonderful relationship and that in itself is great.

Unknown said...

From someone whose sister never quit fighting in her bout versus Burkitt's Lymphoma I know that your Mom had to be the most compassionate wonderful woman in the world. Giving back is the ultimate in sacrifices. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Though she is not in pain anymore, she will always provide you loving and warm memories. My sister Tara even when the doc was giving her last rites was asking for her next chemo bag cause she didn't want to stop fighting. The discoveries they made since my sister have brought down the mortality rate lower than they have ever been. It doesn't bring her back at all but it does make me feel better that the study that they did on Tara may keep some other brother from buring their little sister. She won and she's proud of you. That's a bet everyone would gladly make. God Speed, and God Bless. If there is anything we can do, please ask.

Anonymous said...

Just catching up and saw this, Hoff. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Wil Wheaton said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. You're right: cancer sucks.

Ignatious said...

my deepest condolences.

StB said...

My sympathies to you and your family.

Unknown said...

Good attitude. I lost my Mom to cancer and I truly wish she'd gone your Mother's way. Cancer is a nasty beast and when that is your lot, going where you still have your faculties and just 'don't wake up' is truly a blessing.

The next year is a rough one. You'll think of her often. Embrace the hurt and know that your mutual love transcends it.

CryssyeR said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. My father in law died from cancer a year ago and we have to 100% agree that it sucks. It sucks bad.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Smithee said...

Hi. I found my way here through Annie's blog. My deepest condolences go out to you and yours. My aunt fought the bastard known as breast cancer for six years before she decided she'd had enough and just wanted some peace. We all still miss her terribly, but are somehow comforted by the fact that she did it her way, every step of the way. Every treatment, every experiment, every drug, every decision was hers. She kicked its ass as much as she could. Sounds like your mom did the same. You have much to be proud of. I'll be thinking of you.

Unknown said...

I'm sorry for your loss!
And yay for mom beating the cancer!

But like Annie said, it still hurts.. and you will be in my thoughts and prayers, as well.

Katie

Sandra said...

Another visitor from Annie's; so sorry about your loss, but so glad you seem to have such a supportive family and friends. And your mom really did kick cancer's ass. Twice, at that.

Maudie said...

My condolences to you - cancer is claiming my Dad... indeed it sucks. Your mom was fortunate to have such a loving son.

KMH said...

My best friend, 30 years old, married mother of 1 beautiful son...breast cancer that became blood, bone, spine, and finally brain cancer. She's in her last month now and it's all the rest of us can do to breathe. I would let her go today if it meant she wouldn't have to hurt anymore. Your Mother's story is an inspiration. Thank you, your family, and particularly your Mother, for being so valiant.

April said...

I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Sharfa said...

Cancer sucks big fat hairy balls.

My Daddy lasted 10 months after being diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. They gave him 12 - 18 months. He died April 13th - 28 years to the day his Mother passed from Cancer.

Any positive you can find in the sea of unfairness is a plus.

Your Mom sounds like a courageous soul that fought with dignity, yet still maintained her true self throughout her fight. I pray that her sacrifices lead to a cure for this crueler than cruel disease.

golfwidow said...

I am sending you a special hug today.